well, i'm not quite there yet but i'm getting myself prepared (as much as possible) for the painful, hard, thoughtful journey that i'm headed.
you see the last few weeks God's been gently nudging me to dive into the depths of my past. i'm scared but i know that it's needed for me to be the woman that God created me to be. i need to be honest about what really happened to me and start confessing to trusted friends so "i will be healed." James 5:16
i met with someone yesterday and it was confirmation into this journey if ever there was confirmation. i remember her telling me that every single day i carry around the burden of my past and it's starting to effect the way that i see myself and how i relate to God. not good.
here's a bit of honesty for you.... right now i'm not too thrilled with God. i don't really feel his love (even though it's all around me) and i'm bitter because i feel like he's not helping me out here on this earth. wow, that felt nice. i reread that and i think about how sick i really am. i honestly believed that i had it all together but it's starting to look like i'm more messed up then anyone i know.
anyways, here's to confession and really starting to practice boasting in my weakness! (2 Cor. 12:9-10)
1 comments:
NIKKIEEEE...I didn't know you had a blog, but that's besides the point. I'll be praying for you. I know EXACTLY what you are going through, only because most of last year felt exactly the same. Three meltdowns and two depressions later, things still are not clear. In fact the past 2-3 weeks have been some of the harder ones in quite some time. However, as far as God may seem to be, He's here and He's real-that too is something that I have been struggling to feel as well!
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